i understand and i wish to continue having sex with no one forever. just kidding. i want to have sex with someone forever. i want to have sex with this one cashier at whole foods. i don't know her name yet. but i want to have sex with her. one of these days i will shower and put on some fancy clothes and go to whole foods under the pretense of buying things. and i will talk to her. i will look her in the eye. i will say 'i'm not sure what your name is but i want to have sex with you.' and she will look at me with a facial expression that says 'are you fucking with me' and i will look at her with a facial expression that says 'no i am not fucking with you, but fucking you is currently one of my goals' and she will know that i want to have sex with her. and she will have sex with me at some future moment. it will probably be awkward sex. have i ever had not awkward sex. i think no. cashier girl seems 'attainable' to me. i feel that me having awkward sex with her is well within the 'realm of possibility.' there is also a woman who lives down the street from me with whom i would like to have sexual relations. is that okay. i would feel a little better about life if i were getting at sex. i spend a lot of time indoors, not necessarily in my bedroom, but still. i feel 'maladjusted' or something. i want people to want to be friends with me. i want random strangers to approach me, soliciting friendship. primarily 'sexually active' females. i fear the rainforest is being destroyed. sometimes i feel ashamed of my inability to meet or exceed people's expectations. i feel sad that the amount of affection i am currently receiving from others is not equal to the amount of affection i would like to receive. today i visited the library and saw a young asian female. oh my god. i want one. i think i think about sex a lot. too much maybe. i don't know. i'm sorry. [rm]