if i can tell people are walking to the same place i am walking to, then i will want to die. this is a problem i feel that will go on indefinitely. you can ask me for directions, okay? i will be starved for interaction even though i won't know part of what you're saying. and it will be tragically inevitable that we are going to the same place; we are the same type of people walking in the same area, and even though i won't know the right things to do to connect with you, we will actually have many of the same thought patterns and interests. overcoming 'death' as a kind of feeling i am having will be 'attainable' i think. can we be attracted to each other enough for miscommunication to be interesting? i am exceeding my ability to care about anything, i think. this feels 'worrisome' for anyone involved. can't we just walk near each other on the sidewalk without it being awkward where we are going? can you look at me a little without scowling? i feel sad that 'this is what is happening'; i think i feel like this almost all of the time. that doesn't seem 'good enough' or 'interesting enough' to be a real feeling that i am trying to describe. i don't know. i feel sorry that i ruined your walk, okay? [cb]