money is like a beautiful woman who knows i desire her but will not let me have her because i have not learned how to play the game or something, but maybe will one day, and until then i am watching from a distance, yearning, craving, obsessing, fantasizing, wondering how to transform, what she wants, and what i must do in order to win her attention, and on some level i also understand that ownership is illusory, there is nothing to gain or lose, the beauty of life is in surrender, i am already complete, but still i feel empty inside. [rm]